Whether you’ve gone through an accountability process, or whether you are hoping to never need one, one of the best things you can do is solicit feedback from people you engage with.
This may look incredibly different depending on your situation and community. But one way that can be applied in many different situations is by explicitly telling people you engage with, whether they be romantic partners, casual partners, people working on the same events as you, etc that you welcome their feedback at any time and will be grateful to listen to everything they have to say and discuss.
That simple act of setting the expectation that feedback will be heard, that it will be taken seriously, that you won’t be defensive about it, can be a powerful way to allow you handle a mistake early and effectively.
For communities that revolve around a social platform, you might consider making a google form or something similar that allows anyone to send you anonymous (if desired) feedback to you. It’s often easier for people to communicate this way rather than in direct conversation. The less pressure there is, the easier it is to get honest feedback.
Another advantage of a form is that you can ask probing questions that will help if there is a conversations. For instance you might ask things like:
- Details of what happened and their reaction at the time
- When the incident happened
- What the impact on them was (it’s absolutely vital to understand the impact of what happened, not just what happened, regardless of how feedback is received)
- What they think the incident says about you as a person
- What do they think you need to learn from this feedback. What do they think you need to reflect on about yourself.
- Are there any educational opportunities they are aware of that might be useful in this instance
- Do they want to be contacted about this feedback. and if so, how and by who
This level of detail can help the person providing feedback organize their thoughts in a way that is helpful to you both, and gives you the context you need to understand the impact your actions had and why it may have happened.
Another possibility is to designate someone (with their consent of course) to be someone who can accept feedback on your behalf so they can provide that safe buffer and distill the information down to an anonymized description of areas you need to work on.
These are simply ideas, and you may come up with your own avenues to solicit and accept feedback. Additionally, none of these are mutually exclusive. Multiple avenues to being able to provide feedback can even let people choose the way that feels best and safest for them. But regardless of the methods chosen, providing an easy, non-confrontational way to provide feedback not only helps to prevent incidents from escalating, but instills a great deal of trust right up front.
Of course, its important to follow through on that trust and react to feedback in a productive way.
Accountability Paths 