Accountability processes have to overcome many obstacles to meet their goals. These stumbling blocks can absolutely be overcome, but it does help to know some of what gets in the way of success.
It’s very common for accountability to fail before it even gets started. Commiting to undertake a process means being mentally ready to do so, but that can be a complicated matter. It’s hard to admit we were wrong in some way; it’s even harder to confront that we were wrong repeatedly over an extended period of time. It’s a vulnerable and uncomfortable thing to do, and it means confronting that how we see ourselves may not match our actions in every instance. There are often a number of negative emotions (shame, anger, resentment, fear, etc), especially at the start of a process, which make it harder to even put together a plan. Overcoming these kinds of feelings are exactly what an accountability process can help with, but we need to be willing to confront things to get there.
Accountability processes can only be as good as the genuine effort put into them and the transparency with which they are conducted. What often happens is that an accountability process is put in place simply to tick a box so people will stop talking, or so that a ban will be overturned. When the goal is simple self-preservation, critical steps get missed and the process lacks substance. This also often results in focusing on things other than one’s own mistakes and growth, which can lead to victim blaming and deflecting blame. You have to go through the process with an earnest desire to do right by the person harmed, the people supporting you, and your community, while trying to better yourself. Without those goals in mind, everything will be set up to serve the wrong purpose, and won’t succeed in creating any healing or trust.
Lack of transparency is another major reason why there is a lack of trust in the process. It’s not enough to simply say you’ve started an accountability process. If no one knows what that is going to entail, then it does nothing to foster trust or faith that any change will really happen. But this is exactly what is seen so many times: a promise to do the work is proffered up, but no further details or even results come later. This offers no healing to anyone and makes it very easy for the process to languish or get off track. Accountability is more than an apology and promises. It’s a plan, it’s work, and it has to have a worthwhile end product.
Accountability also fails when someone assumes they have all the answers and if they just spend some time thinking by themselves, they will be ok. Lack of perspective is almost always a contributing factor to what happened, so it’s incredibly important to let yourself be challenged, and to explore different viewpoints. You can’t just read some books or take some classes that don’t deal with the specifics of your situation and who you are. It shouldn’t even just be therapy (as helpful as therapy is in these kinds of processes) because your therapist is going to be hearing everything filtered through you and their purpose is somewhat different than an accountability process. The lack of perspective from others who have all the information can doom the whole enterprise to failure.
This also applies to the people helping. No one has all the answers. This is why multiple people being part of the plan and holding someone accountable is so important. If you think you can do it all as one person, you can’t. The person being held accountable needs to identify and bring in multiple people who will actually hold them accountable, challenge them, listen to them, and execute the plan.
As was said above, accountability is, in part, a plan. The lack of a plan means a lack of focus, a lack of goals, a lack of considering what would address the concerns and root causes of what happened. Just the process of making a plan helps organize your thoughts and can bring insight. Having a plan also gives you a roadmap to follow, something to be held to by those helping you, and a way to identify if things are getting off track.
Additionally, if your focus is too singular, you may miss important information. Be open to discussing and dealing with anything that comes up through the process. Look for patterns and causes of behavior. Look beyond the precipitating incident and be open to the idea that there may be some really important factors that you are missing that may make themselves evident through other situations (even ones that went well).
As you do all this work to identify where there is room for growth, the process may need tweaks. Maybe you need to make more changes, get further education, lengthen your time line, get other perspectives, etc. Don’t sell yourself or the process short by failing to adapt as you go along. Be curious and make changes where your discovery requires so that you can continue to go deeper.
Going deeper means trying to truly identify root causes. Look for patterns and figure out why they might be there. Be incredibly honest with yourself. Failure to do these kinds of things result in accountability processes very shallow and often miss the real point, and thereby, misses real growth that those around you will be looking for now and in the future. The deeper you go, the more honest with yourself you are, the better results the process will have and the more you will grow.
Processing your feelings is paramount to successfully taking accountability. There’s likely going to be feelings of shame, embarrassment, even resentment. If you are unable to move past those feelings, they will get in the way of real growth. They will limit you. It’s not easy, but it’s just as important to keep in mind as the learning you will be doing. When you turn the corner from being lost in your own feelings to find a place of positivity because of the growth and introspection you are doing…thats when the accountability plan is really fulfilling its purpose. This takes time, it takes support, and it requires perspective. Good accountability processes will give you the room to get to this more productive place.
And finally, one of the biggest reasons accountability processes will fail is because people are terrified that this openness will bring more consequences. If you don’t accept the cost of doing the right thing, if you don’t face the consequences of your actions, then you won’t do the work. Time and time again, we see this actually making things worse down the road. Being scared is natural. Now is the time to find your courage and face it all head on.
Accountability Paths 