Choosing to help someone through an accountability process is something to consider very carefully. You are hitching your reputation to theirs. You are signing up for what may be a lengthy and emotional process. Feel confident that they want to make real change, and will listen to your feedback. Don’t get in a situation where they are using you to give an appearance of doing work, while not making any changes of substance.
Consider also your own motivations for helping. The process is going to work best when you are invested in the person being held accountable, wanting them to succeed for their own sake. It can’t be about you, or even the person who was harmed. Your role is to support the person being held accountable and that has to be your motivation to make for a successful process that the person you are helping can trust in and be vulnerable to.
Support the person, not what they’ve done. You have to be willing to challenge the person you are helping, help them process their feelings and thoughts by being inquisitive and firm. Be clear on the goals you are trying to accomplish by being part of the process, and make sure they align with real accountability.
Being part of an accountability process is real work. It means reading feedback from others and updates from the person in the process. It may require meetings, discussions, or writing your own reports. It’s an act of love and care, but one that will require real effort. Make sure you have the mental and emotional bandwidth for it before agreeing. You do no one any favors if you burn out.
Just as the person undergoing accountability needs to set aside their ego, you do as well. You don’t have all the answers either, which is why having several people helping is so vital.
Be organized. Make sure the plan is followed. Don’t let it slide. Adjust as needed, but don’t let it fail.
Be honest with yourself about conflicts of interest. If you are close to others involved directly or indirectly, consider if being part of the process is the best fit for all involved. If you are the partner of the person going through accountability, you probably aren’t the right person for this. Your support is likely better manifested in other ways. If you are a partner, ex, or close friend of the person harmed, the same things apply.
Make sure that you understand your own intentions for being part of this process. Having the wrong intentions will undermine the entire process right from the get go. You should be in it for a genuine desire to help support someone’s learning and change. It can’t be because it looks good, because you are trying to make any kind of statement, or because of how you feel about the harmed person. Be invested in the person being held accountable when it comes to this process.
Accountability Paths 